That was quite the interview! I must say that most of the questions seemed very superficial and all over the place. There didn’t seem to be a consistency in their order and I have the impression that the actual time they spent talking was a fair bit longer than what we got to see. Still, it was a rewarding thing to watch.
What stands out to me most is the unbelievable strength in character and the courage it must have taken for Sue to speak out about all of this. But what also stands out to me is the huge responsibility she seems to feel concerning the warning signs she missed and the terrible scrutiny she gives to her own parenting. I feel like she has examined every inch of her life with Dylan, every instant where she could’ve/would’ve/should’ve done things differently, and I cannot imagine how grueling that process of introspection was and continues to be.
I would love to reach out to her and tell her “Sue, all of this is not just on you”.. It feels like she blames herself so intensely for what happened, which I think is a logical process for any parent to go through but which I also think is something that she shouldn’t shoulder on her own. A lot of factors led to Dylan doing what he did. A lot of people missed the warning signs. Hindsight is always flawless and we only learn in retrospect what was really going on. There are things that I have shared with my parents only years after I was in that homicidal/suicidal state myself. They had no idea that this was the extent of what was going on, though they were aware enough of the issues to help me get help at the time. It is my belief that some children will attempt to shield their parents from the worst of what they are feeling, too.
What gives me hope in this interview and the things surrounding it was the way it also spoke of warning signs, of reaching out to these kids who’re showing signs of change, of just sitting with your child and listening to what they have to say. Sue’s story can help other parents who’re concerned about what’s going on with their child. It can help inform people. As it was also said in the program, these things are not always an indicator that a child will go out to commit a violent act. But active outreach can do a world of good in getting a child to share and opening that dialogue without judgment. I think that the judgmental tone of “you should not feel this way” and the age-old dismissal of “nothing’s going on, I’m fine” are what prevents a lot of talks from ever happening – to see this addressed by everyone across the board (from would-be shooter to professionals) gives me hope for the future. I’m sure that a part of Sue’s intent is to prevent this hurt, this pain, from ever reaching other families the way it reached hers and the other families affected by Columbine.
Of course, I’m also overjoyed at seeing new pictures and that one video with sound of Dylan. It helps illustrate her story and it helps illustrate the fact that Dylan was just a child that grew up loved and cherished. It illustrates the juxtaposition of having a sunshine baby grow up to be a murderer – how can one look at that smiling face and see the agony that drove him to kill and die? The normalcy of those photos, photos that could appear in any family album, helps drive home the point that.. well.. sometimes.. sometimes you don’t know what’s going on until it is too late.
I won’t dwell a lot on what was said about Eric. I was forewarned going into this interview and had the personal inkling beforehand that this would not be good. Special mention goes out to that rape-sentence for being the only thing to make me make grabby hands of murder at my screen in an explosion of “what the everlasting fuck”. The only notion I found some relief in is that Sue has spoken with the Harrises on occasion. I’m sure that she was prevented from saying more.
What strikes me, also, is the fact that the Harrises continue to stay quiet and that this silence now also extends to Tom Klebold. Sue is the only one out of a set of four parents who’s doing active outreach and speaking of her family with candid honesty in the hopes that people will hear it and learn from it. She stands alone while three people should, in all honesty, be standing right there with her. The respect I have for this woman has thousandfolded since this interview. Her personal issues and trials have given her that quiet inner strength that is a true inspiration.
Columbine 