submission

Where do you get your information from? (asked by @columbinestoriesfan)

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I get most of my information from the pile of evidence papers JeffCo scanned and released to the general public, as well as old newspaper articles (Denver Post is particularly good!) and occasional interviews given by people involved in the case. If I need to quick-reference something, I either go to AColumbineSite or use the available transcripts as well as the thematic sorting of the evidence. I’ve linked to the transcripts (diversion papers, journals, and basement tapes) in my sidebar and also included the 11k-by-name-or-section file that is invaluable when reviewing the actual evidence pile.

If there is one good thing I’ll say about Peter Langman’s work, it’s that he’s managed to make the pile a little easier to navigate and has made the entire evidence available on his website. Scroll down here until you hit Columbine, and you’ll find all of JeffCo’s available documents in downloadable PDF-formats! One of the things you’ll notice is that some sections are more interesting than others, but a thing that bugs me personally is the quality of some scans and the fact that they included handwritten pages in several sections.

That’s the baseline of my information, upon which I’ve based my own opinions and everything else. Hope this helps! =)

Lovely submission from subcultureofthenight, which I believe to be slightly inspired by this post of mine. She makes some fantastic points in this post and there are certainly a lot of things in here that I couldn’t possibly have said better myself. =)

The Void of The Uttered Voice

The one thing that has always stood out for me is the fact Columbine is not special from other unfortunate events that happened not only in the ‘new continent’, but much less in the worldwide measure. There is nothing diverse even among shootings or bombing, if we would prefer it. Yet the media still talk about it even now. But if they do mention it over and over again, there must be something about it, right? I don’t believe there is, just another drop of blood in a history. They made the day more noticeable and valuable for our own eyes because that is what they do. They manipulate with our awareness because let’s be honest, how many of us is willing to spend the time and energy or know of some quality source to look in for the truth? Isn’t it just peachy to be able to sit in our room and watch/hear/read the news as they want us to see/feel/think of them? What is the truth anyway – does it even exist? They are making Columbine a specific spot to point at if needed, so we could be reminded of the horror we remember, not something that has happened when we weren’t paying enough of attention. And it is now such chronic habit to do so, they don’t even think if it’s proper or not. The question is who made the Columbine infamously famous – the media along with the lax society or the boys? Whose work is Columbine really? So to answer what is the one thing about Columbine and why is the fact that 4/20/199 wasn’t a bigger than anything else, they made us think that because they wanted and still do. Because it suits well their purpose, because we are (after all) their sheep and they can tell us whatever they want. So the main thing for me about Columbine is that it was not anything new, huge or what, but yet we believe it was – and god forbid if the bombs went off, that would be the most important event of the century for the whole world, not only America, which already is.

The next part of questions is harder to answer since we don’t exactly know what it is that remains unreleased. What do they have up there? We don’t know, so I would stay at the level where can be stated what more would I like to see or touch. First of I would like to read the original journals because of those little things you can never transmit to a copy. Like how heavy or light was their hand while writing certain sentences or words, or what kind of paper they choose to utilize, how warped it was or without a single sign of a longer use, with what kind of pencil did they write, how did it feel to touch the paper or to browse it through, if the pen made smudges or not… It can tell you a lot about the person – it’s like a living footprint of theirs, something they choose to leave behind (unlike other things). The next object I would like to see is any footage or photographs they have made to get to know their body talk better – when they were angry, hopeless, full of stress, kindness, laugh, how did they act just for themselves only, how did they voices sounded like when they weren’t playing anything or anyone (if there even is such a treasure since we are all living up to various roles). I would like to get through their therapy and court sessions or any other recorded conversation they had just to get to know their complete outlook a little more fully. Actually, the only point why I would welcome the basement tapes, along with you, is thanks to all this, not because of the hidden truth or message or to hear what they talked about for the audience while they were showing off. In my humble opinion, if the Harris’ don’t have the need to see it since this side of their child isn’t more important for them than the others they know of, then I don’t see them missing much.

I wonder about what they were dreaming the night before the fatal forenoon. I wonder how well they slept and for how long. I wonder what was the first thought that came up when they woke up and what was going on in their minds the whole time before they parked their cars on the school lots. This is what I have to think about when I go back to that day. Was it harder to get up and start the day filled with murder and suicide than any other in their past weeks, months, years? The same stands for entering the school or saying goodbye – was this easier than usually? Along with how was the dying for Dylan like?

If we would be interested in any other subject, it would be the same. Suddenly we would see it everywhere and would think it’s a bigger fish than it really is. But sure, Columbine keeps people involved, but what doesn’t? Any case you get into will do the magic trick. Like I said before, I don’t see anything special about it. The thing that makes Columbine different from other shootings is that those before had not the same attention like this one got, and those what happened after can be only compared to it since it’s a common custom to do so. If you do it once, can you take it back and change the well-known words “the deadliest school shooting in the U.S. history” or “the worst school shooting”. And even though other shootings don’t have too much mutual with this one, they will still keep mentioning it to feed the cognizance of the terror in us, to highlight the day again. Actually it is one hell of a habit in most western countries to give the society bad news, hardly ever the truly good ones, so the majority would run for the easing to an uncomplicated entertainment to balance the daily impact. It’s brilliant. They are telling us shit to sell us shit to help us to get rid of the crappy feelings. Nice, isn’t it.

Personally I would want to watch the basement tapes to see what is so repulsing about their behavior even the Klebolds stated something along they now understand how others can loathe their son, that they saw the monstrous hatred part he kept hidden from them. But among this I would like to see their goofing. And if something would came up to change the way I see them now, it would be only refreshing, even though it might be highly impossible – but if something would change even a bit in me after the projection, I would welcome it with open arms and above all, open mind. There can be something important on the tapes due to their non-releasing stage, but it could be also a mere myth, but I am sure pissed off on Eric for not doing what he wanted – to send them to media or else. What was the reason he did no such thing after all? (No lack of time or oblivion is a good justification, boy.)

The next question was with whom I would like to have a conversation, but if I could I would say it otherwise – with whom I don’t have the need to spend some time. Then the answer would be Rachel, Cassie, Dave, Lauren, Isaiah and Matt. With others, whoever would that be in the end, would be only my pleasure to talk to about anything they would feel like. Actually it would be nice to have a picnic and talk and talk about the world, their interests, wishes, dreams and the life itself. So no matter who that would be I would love to get to know that person the way they knew themselves – if they would feel like sharing with a stranger, of course, or we could do something else.

The biggest mistake I see in authorities is the messiness. They didn’t do their job properly and if they did then shame on such orders. If they did then it was just a joke because we expected more. Even though things changes and go forward thanks to similar mistakes, like we could see not so long ago, some errors shouldn’t happen in the first place. They just shouldn’t.

If there would be a chance to ask those boys about the events I would be curious about two main things. I would talk to them about the whole experience. If it was worth it, if it gave them the satisfaction, what disappointed them (if anything) and what they expected to feel or look differently and if they would have a chance would they go through it again or would choose to handle their situation diversely? The other part would be focused on the questions if it was their job only or not. I would ask them if something about any of those yarns around the case is true. I can’t think of a fact I would never want to know of, though. Even if it would be all a set up or whatever, I would like to know. Sure I would be pissed off afterwards but that would be my problem to solve, so. Oh man, I would be quite disappointed and frustrated and fascinated and angry and I would soon end to dig in the case because I was there once and still have no intention to go back to the ongoing rabbit holes of wonderland, even though they are very appealing, amusing and life changing.

I wish people would think more and see consequences of actions they do or not do more clearly. I wish they would see that guns or movies or music or any other influence isn’t the issue here only a symptom to a cause. That they could see a statistic of deaths caused by murder and deaths by suicide, and then we could talk about “the gun problem” which is not the fact we should be focusing in the terms of school or youth or the society, really. That there is an action and naturally a reaction – it’s one of the laws in physics. So if we’re expecting nothing to happen when there is action for a longer term, we are fools asking for one hell of a chain reaction. So is there really a reason for bothering with guns while dealing with this topic? And if there were no guns, they would surely pay more attention to the bombs since it would be the only deadly weapon in their hands and therefore they would probably try it before the day itself to be sure it works properly. If it doesn’t solve the problem of the violence, well then I guess we could finally look at the bottom of the event again.

If it was up to me, I would not change a thing that happened. All kinds of decisions were made and every single one of them helped to form the reality for better or worse. People tend to bury themselves in the past and torture their minds with those what ifs and wishes. Is that really all we are doing with the tremendous gift the history is giving us? They made their choices, what would be ours?

Since we can be missing anything no matter how strange, if there would be a chance to hang out and just chill with people they knew, I would like to sit with them and listen to those subjectively colored stories. This is what I miss the most – the opportunity to hear those memories out.

Columbine

Informational blog about the Columbine High School massacre

Please kill yourself

The Void of The Uttered Voice