I’ve ‘entertained’ the thought, yes. =) Most of what has been written about it is pretty decent, so in a way I’d just be adding to the existing choir. There’s some great material out there already! And I do have the luxury of making my long-ass Tumblr posts unedited and stream-of-consciousness in a way a book does not allow. š
(Besides, who the hell’d want to read an entire book of me being an opinionated little shit? ;))
I don’t know about my blog being popular, haha. I’m probably one of the lesser-known ones on here because I post pretty irregularly and am not in the tag all the time. (I am present in comments/likes under my regular blog crunchydragon, but I don’t think everyone makes that connection just yet. ;)) I know some other research blogs have a lot of visitors every day, though.
I don’t feel like I’m doing all the work for the others with this blog. I research the case intensively because it’s simply something I enjoy doing, especially when things get really complicated. I write my opinion pieces because I need to summarise my own research and ideas in one place – the added bonus is that I am able to share and discuss them with other people on here through posting them. I know that many of the people with blogs devoted to the boys have done a lot of research just like I have and that they are able to hold their own in a discussion about the case. (Seriously, try messaging some of them “off the record”– they may yet surprise you with their eloquence, their thoughtfulness, and their devotion to the case in its entirety!) I think that it’s not about swaying anyone’s opinion, but rather about expressing personal thoughts/feelings in a safe place and hoping that some of those touch others and perhaps help change someone’s perspective on the case. I received a very nice message on my regular blog earlier this week saying how this person wasn’t fascinated with the case at all, but was very appreciative of my about-page in which I explain my reasonings for having such a blog and my thoughts on the community of Columbiners here on Tumblr. Some things we say on here reach more people than we are even aware of, and if I can participate in that change to create a more open-minded view of cases like this one then I am quite happy to do so.
In regards to those Columbiners who’ve got a lot of personal feelings about the boys that some may dub ‘fangirly’ in nature, I wrote a reply to an ask I received that tells you how I feel about this. (Also, if you’re interested, read my follow-up to that one.) I really don’t give a flying flapping duck about what other people choose to do with their blogs, and I enjoy reading a great many of them and follow pretty much all the Columbine-related blogs I am currently aware of. I don’t care about what does or doesn’t make me popular or about if my blog ‘does the work for others’ – I simply blog to the best of my ability about the research that I enjoy doing, about the opinions that I’ve formed over the course of time, and about anything else that catches my interest. (And I’d keep this blog even if I magically lost all my followers and never got a single note on posts anymore, because I don’t simply keep this blog for other people’s enjoyment..) I really do not appreciate the divide that I feel you’re putting up between us, as though the more ‘fangirly’ blogs among us are somehow worth less than the intensive research blogs like mine! We’re all in the same damn boat – why is it so hard to live and let live, and try to get along? Come on now.
I canāt answer for other people,only for myself. and I answer them because when Iām on the net i have the page open, while I watch other things, so of course I check the page and I see there is a question I answer as a sign of respect. And not that is your business but i answered your question after I had dinner, wash the dishes and clean the kitchen.
Not that I really get questions, but Iām on my laptop for the majority of the day because Iām a boring person like that, so if Iām online tumblr is always open in the background.
Same here. After I return from work, I had lunch and since I only work in the morning, for now, when i get on my laptop, like you I have my tumblr page open, but I spend my time watching videos on youtube or playing Criminal Cases on FB hahaha and of course while the TV is on the World Cup
why u guys have so much free time? iām jealous on you. swear to god. I am jealous that u have so much free time.
I check my inbox every day and will reply when I have time. I work on Thursdays and Fridays, so any asks I receive on those days won’t be answered until my evenings. Asks that require a bit of research/Googling take me a little more time to get back to, as I do want to be as thorough as possible. And, hey, I multitask a lot! I have a minimum of three tabs open at all times, usually chat with friends during my online time, tend to watch TV with a side-eye, and log off every so often to watch a show or do stuff around the house or whatever. Columbine does not dictate my entire day, but as a blog-keeper about the case I do feel responsible for getting back to people as nicely and as quickly/precisely as I am able to. =)
I think Eric did not like the Denver area because he was used to other places and liked those better. He’d felt at home in both Michigan and New York – he had friends there, and people really just accepted him for who he was. Sure, he was “a timid kid” around people he didn’t know well back there and it may have taken him a while to really build friendships.. but he was never ridiculed for any of it, nor was he ostracised from any group there. He was genuinely well-liked where he came from. Why he didn’t fit into Littleton is a mystery to me – it could be as simple as the fact that he wasn’t native to Colorado, or it could be something else entirely. Or just a combination of factors, who knows?
When he ended up in Littleton, Eric already had a lot of problematic and conflicting feelings about “yet another move”. He wasn’t the type of kid that bounced back easily from being ripped away from friends and home and familiar places. There are several accounts of Eric being picked on in Littleton because of his accent, his height, just about anything that made him different from the existing norms in Littleton. He was an easy target: new kid, timid kid, floundering kid away from familiar ground, etc. Brooks even describes him as a “prime target for bullies” in No Easy Answers. He essentially went from a place that included him to a place that excluded him. He wanted no part in Denver after being greeted with disdain, and I think he kept longing for the gentle kindness of Oscoda and Plattsburgh until his dying day. I think it really cut into him that, of all the places they could’ve stayed, they stayed in the one place that never wanted him there.
For every incorrect fact in Columbine (by Dave Cullen), drink.
Iād be drunk after the first chapter.
Well, chapter 1, āMr. D,ā isnāt quite so bad since itās about a pep rally at the school and is quite short. Ā But chapter 2, āRebels,ā would get you drunk within 2 pages!
And he [Eric] got chicks. Lots and lots of chicks. Ā On the ultimate high school scorecard, Eric outscored much of the football team.
DRINK!!!
Hah well you’d have to be at least a little tipsy to make it through that pep rally of “we are Columbine!” in that first chapter. š I think all his parts about Eric would end up hospitalising me..
Man, I’m gonna take a second to appreciate this complex question. With the Myers Briggs typology, it’s already really difficult to type yourself correctly.. doing it successfully for others is even harder. It took me a full day before I was certain that I am INFJ with a strong Fi-dominant function that sometimes makes me appear like a different type. The function theory is very important when understanding the Myers Briggs typology – the sequence of the functions in order of dominance helps determine the type you are. You can read more about the function theory here. In my attempt to type the boys, I’ve looked at several descriptions of the types.. I’m relatively certain about Dylan’s right now, but not at all so sure about Eric’s. I have included two links at the end of each description: one to a short summary, the other to the way these types are as children. (It’s the children-description that won me over to thinking Eric may very well be this type, so it’s definitely worth the read!)
For Dylan, I’m tentatively going to go with INFP. (Function typology is Fi-Ne-Si-Te.) INFP personalities are usually perceived as calm, reserved, or even shy. Idealism is the banner of INFP personalitiesāand they are proud of it. Unfortunately, it also means that INFPs can often feel misunderstood and isolated as they are relatively rare. Unless an INFP finds an appreciation for his or her uniqueness and personal values, he or she may feel like an odd person out. INFPs can easily speak in metaphors and parables, and they also have an amazing gift of creating and interpreting symbols; for this reason, INFPs often find it natural to write and enjoy poetry. INFPs may also often retreat into their āhermitā state (this personality type can easily switch between the āactiveā and āhermitā states), withdrawing from the world and getting lost in their deep thoughts. They tend to rely on themselves for direction and are reticent to ask others for help. They would rather do things themselves, to make sure they are done properly. As young adults, INFPs may have some difficulty finding the ideal career and the ideal mate, in part because of that very word ‘ideal’. They have a vision in mind of what they want, yet reality may not follow suit. The INFP leadership style is subtle, gentle, indirect, and inclusive of others. INFPs do not confront people head-on, but rather work with them and through them to get the job done. Their style is not an aggressive one but is highly persistent; only reluctantly do INFPs assume leadership roles. [x][x]
For Eric, I’m very tentatively going to go with INTP. (Function typology is Ti-Ne-Si-Fe.) The most important and characteristically developed part of an INTP of any age is a keen sense of logic and fairness. They are also creative and original thinkers, able to see possibilities and patterns all around them. INTP personalities are usually very shy and reluctant when it comes to meeting other people. They are very internal people and require lots of time and space to think things through and understand the world around them. However, INTPs can also be very friendly and confident when they interact with people they know well or talk about things that interest them. INTPs are flexible and relaxed in nearly all situations, except when their beliefs or logical conclusions are being criticized. In those cases, the INTP is likely to become very defensive and argue tirelessly. INTPs do not play social games and see no point in sugarcoating their words. They will clearly state their opinion and expect others to return the favor. INTPs tend to be open-minded and willing to accept ideas different from their own, provided that they are supported by facts and logic. INTP personalities are usually proud of their extensive knowledge and reasoning abilities, but they may get easily frustrated trying to describe their thoughts other people. They may be condescending. Many times they do participate in very scary behavior and can sometimes even be prompted to do things on a dare. Caution is not the hallmark of INTPs, unless it is in the emotional area. INTPs are so naturally skeptical of authority that they may find themselves in trouble for talking back to adults, pushing limits, and arguing ā often quite persuasively ā against what they find to be unfair or ridiculous rules. [x][x]
Day 1 of my reorganisation of the 11k. Taking the time to sort everything out by subject and witness, citing original page numbers and interview dates for completion’s sake. Currently on the “locations/positions of witnesses prior to/during the shooting”-part and already noticing discrepancies in statements. Yup, this will go swimmingly.
Quite honestly, I cannot conceive of anyone coming close to them both in similarity of psyche. The boys are quite unique even among the garden variety of mass shooters cropping up everywhere. There are a few really good reasons as to why they’re still talked about so much, why ‘their’ event keeps being brought up, and one of those reasons is that they were really a vastly complicated “perfect storm”. And I am actually only peripherally interested in other mass shooting cases – I’ve read about them, read some of the material other shooters left behind, read some material like evidence files, that kind of stuff, but none of those cases grab me the way Columbine and these two boys have. Dylan’s complicated near-spiritual ravings that only really made sense to him because the only person Dylan truly trusted was himself, Eric’s angry ramblings hiding a really sensitive hurt child that never really grew up, the delusions of grandeur in believing this could be a bombing instead of a shooting, the huge amount of planning and luck they had in their preparations, every single aspect of their psyches and the case is stand-out unique to me and incomparable to any other..
The original plan was always the detonation of several bombs in the commons, after which the boys would shoot at any and all survivors exiting the building. When all bombs failed to detonate, they were essentially left with two choices: go home or do it all themselves. Of course, at that point in time, they opted for the latter. I think both boys knew that they wouldn’t get the victim count they’d hoped for, which is why the focus throughout the massacre was still on the bombs. They left the library relatively early after spending about seven to eight minutes in there – it’s the conviction of many researchers, including myself, that their focus (especially Eric’s) was still on the bomb detonation throughout their antics in the library. Shooting people was not what they’d envisioned for that day – the boys seem to have been adamant in their planning stages that it wouldn’t be “another school shooting”. That’s also why I stated previously that they didn’t plan on doing all the work themselves, as they probably would’ve had to do very little indeed if Plan A had functioned the way they’d imagined it would.
The 911-call and witness accounts from the scene itself give off the strong impression that everyone was bombarded with the continuous rounds of gunshots, shouts and laughter from the boys, screams of people who got shot, the smoke and explosions coming from the smaller bombs, and the fire alarm blaring away throughout. And in the middle of that chaos, with the limited amount of time they gave themselves, Dylan and Eric found the time for a huge psychological warfare. The comment about “knifing people”, as well as comments like “peek-a-boo” and the infamous “do you believe in God?”, were all intended to haunt the survivors for ages after the shooting and to instill fear into those kids sitting there under those tables at that point in time. Imagine the complete and utter terror of someone sitting under that table near, say, Dylan’s feet and hearing him say that comment about wanting to start knifing people. Imagine the fear Val must’ve felt when she was asked “do you believe in God?”, because she couldn’t possibly have known which answer would’ve spared her life and if the answer even mattered at all, while having just seen one of her friends die in front of her and knowing that one wrong move could end her life as well. It’s psychological warfare at its finest – the boys held all the power throughout those few minutes they spent in that library, and they were having fun while doing it.
It’s remarkably ‘easy’ sometimes to forget that the boys actually went through with the massacre. Seeing them on screen in their home videos, reading their journals, hearing all those stories about them, listening to their voices.. It humanises them immensely and makes you feel like you know them. They get a familiar face through the material we have from them – the face of someone who could’ve been our friend, could’ve been our sibling, could’ve been our classmate. They’re not so very different from us, in some respects, and they are sometimes very much “like old friends” you’ve been out of touch with for a while. I think the “holy shit they actually did it”-sentiment is quite common among the Columbiners. š
But, you know, I don’t want it to be easy to forget about what they did. Reading the 11k really drives home that we’re talking about two dead mass murderers. Hearing the 911-call, especially the part where Val is just screaming almost non-stop, still grabs me by the throat every single time and leaves me quiet for a while. Seeing their names mentioned in the same breath as that of other shooters, hearing Columbine Columbine Columbine throughout the news the minute there’s been another shooting, seeing that picture of them in the commons pop up anywhere.. that’s when you get that little jolt saying “this really happened”. I think it’s almost easier to have a conscious memory of the event, like I do, as it tends to remind you every so often of the shock and pain associated with what the boys did. I don’t want to get to the stage where I don’t feel anything when I hear their names or the names of their victims, and I don’t want to sanitise the event by never acknowledging the horror the boys put everyone through.
No, I don’t think they would’ve shot their friends if they recognised them as such at the time. They didn’t kill everyone they came in touch with and instances like them letting John Savage walk seem to suggest that shooting people they knew/recognised well wasn’t really their top priority. I think the only way they would’ve killed their friends was through the bomb detonation, and that obviously never happened. And I don’t know if they ever even ran into people who really tormented them during the massacre. You’ve got a guy like Evan Todd, sure, who had a lot of luck in surviving the ordeal. But, and correct me if I’m wrong, I don’t think anyone who was a plausible hitlist candidate even came face-to-face with them that day. I don’t think they would’ve had a lot of issues with shooting someone they absolutely didn’t like, especially not if that person had tormented them in the past. (But, then again, the massacre was not truly about getting back at bullies – bullying is only a minor factor in the why of Columbine altogether.)
We must also remember that the library was a hastily put-together Plan B. Plan A was pretty much “total wipe-out” where it didn’t matter who was friend or foe. I don’t think that the boys really counted on having to do all the work themselves, as they were hoping the bombs would detonate and level that part of the school with maximum casualties. When it became clear the bombs weren’t gonna detonate by themselves, I think they floundered really briefly before making their way to the library. I think that was a really logical pick based on proximity and possible casualty level, as venturing into the commons would’ve most likely been problematic for them and heightened the risk of them being jumped/etc before they had a clear shot. Various circumstances (failed bombs, Eric’s broken nose, authorities forming a perimeter around the school, etc) all contributed to why the massacre in itself was so ‘short’ time-wise and why they didn’t go out of their way to attempt to get into classrooms or anything of the sort.
Eric’s preference of the Nazi ideology is pretty interesting, but he was far less discriminate throughout his opinions than the Nazis were. I guess you can say that he took their “superiority to all other races” and some of their other ideas one step further, where Eric himself became the grand authority on who deserved life and where the core issues weren’t about race or religion or anything else the Nazis used to rally against. Eric simply says “kill mankind; nobody should survive” and there is a huge undercurrent throughout his journal that the current state of the human race is atrocious and deserving of eradication. I’ve theorised before that Eric believed himself to be the ‘saviour’ of Earth through the actions he would take to ensure mankind’s downfall. His admiration of some of the Nazi ideals makes sense, and I think that their all-encompassing concept of “there are no longer any free realms in which the individual belongs to himself” spoke to him in particular. For Eric, self-authenticity and the freedom to decide for himself were vital. It was something he didn’t have enough of in his life – in fact, I’d go as far as to say that his lack of authority and agency over himself informed the massacre greatly – and it was something he wouldn’t have given up for anything in the world. So, in that light, it makes sense that he places himself in that position of highest authority with the whole “what I say goes”-conviction. Everyone else would have to fall in line with Eric, which would ensure that he maintained authority over himself and the freedom to do whatever the hell he wanted while simultaneously having the agency/authority over everyone he perceived as being somehow ‘beneath him’. His whole “ich bin Gott”-scenario falls directly in line with this, and I’m guessing that the Game of Thrones-quote “they can live in my new world or they can die in their old one” is a pretty apt description of Eric’s ideas overall.
I stated in the ask I received about Eric’s racism that I don’t believe it was ever truly a matter of ethnicity that informed his comments on the subject. In that respect, I don’t believe nationality would’ve mattered to him either. I think he had a deep-seated appreciation of the German language, coupled with a liking of some of the German music, and that he clicked with a part of German/European history because it gave a voice to some of his own sentiments. (I’m guessing that he used the existing ideology for his own gain, much as he altered the whole idea of ‘natural selection’ for himself as well, and also used it as a means through which he could expand on his ideas and give them a ‘backbone structure’ of sorts.) He would probably have liked some Germans, if he’d ever met them, and would have hated a lot of other Germans in the same breath. I think that Eric rallied against stupidity, against the brainwashing of the masses, against all the things he saw in humanity that made him believe Earth would be better off without most of us.. and therefore it wouldn’t really matter to him what race/religion/nationality/etc you identified with in the process, because “ignorance and stupidity cross all kinds of borders and can be found in all walks of life”. It’s the human race in its entirety he had a problem with, and whether you as an individual deserved to live or not would’ve been something he would’ve loved to decide for you.
Hi there! Thank you so much! It’s always lovely to meet more people who’re fascinated by the case and with the boys – and so, of course, it’s very nice to meet you. š
Dylan’s journal is pretty interesting, as he jumps from one thought to the other in almost the same sentence. He gets pretty complicated with this to the point where I think only Dylan himself was able to truly make sense of it – I can guess, and assume, and tentatively say “this might be it”, but there’s still a part of the journal that is quite obscure to me. I think his mind made really rapid connections between things that often led to him changing the subject or approaching it from a vastly different direction every other sentence. I think the latter is what’s going on here – he re-approaches the love he has for his crush and seems to confirm for himself that the non-physical aspect of this is far more important to him than the sexual component.
I have no idea if he used images of his crush to masturbate to – that’s the kind of info none of us have been privy to. š But I think that the apology is more about the idea that masturbation makes his love ‘less pure’ and that by giving in to his carnal desires he is somehow detracting from the goodness/whole/innocence of his love. Dylan’s view of love is pretty spiritual and he has the habit of downplaying the human aspects of physical desire in favour of an almost mythical love spanning more than one lifetime. I think that this quote from his journal illustrates this perfectly. He starts off speaking about something very physical/sexual as being something he successfully put a stop to. He then apologises to his current love for what I think is his previous focus on that good ol’ sense of lust having been more important than the purity of the love he carries for her. Then, he seems to replace that physical aspect of love entirely with the thought of the happiness and truth that the more spiritual aspect of love gives him. Stopping the masturbation feels like a cleansing process, like a task he set for himself to become worthy of the love he idealised.
I know of at least one person from here who was banned from the forum. I personally was not – I requested my account to be deactivated. A few weeks later, I got an email out of the blue saying that my account had been deleted entirely. The only real issue with that is that those of you reading along there now won’t recognise my posts (seeing as I show up as ‘guest’ *rolls eyes*) unless you see them quoted in another post and/or unless you know my writing style well enough to be able to deduce which posts are mine. š But what’s done is done, and I’m still available for discussions on Columbine through here and through private messengers if people wish the company.
I recall Eric showed up at a Halloween party dressed up as the Unabomber, so he wasn’t above making the effort to blend in. There’s also that pic of him as a kid dressed up in his costume. Think Eric may actually have been fond of the celebration. I don’t recall Dylan dressing up for the occasion or anything of the sort, and I think Dylan as a kid was too painfully shy to find much enjoyment in the “trick or treat!”-part of things.
What I do recall is that one story where the boys were hiding out on the rooftop of Blackjack’s taking shots with a BB-gun at the unsuspecting trick-or-treaters below. I remember a comment along the lines of “they seemed to think it was hilarious”. I guess that part makes sense when you start seeing Halloween as a party for the wholesome American society – exactly what the boys took up issue with.
Dylan drove a black 1982 BMW 320i with the license plate GBZ-2636. One of the witnesses said that Dylan had removed the BMW emblems from his car. It was put up for sale on eBay some time after the massacre.
Eric drove a grey 1986 Honda Prelude 1800 with the license plate GBP-2613. His car had a sunroof and features in some of the home vids. He called his car ‘the best gift I’ve ever received’.
I recently got an ask about Eric’s racism that may be of interest to you. I think that much of the same sentiment I describe for him also holds true for Dylan. I don’t think that it was about race for either of them, but had more to do with the position they were in and the powerlessness they felt. We can’t gloss over the shit they said, though, and excuse them from having made those comments simply because they were in a bad place themselves.. They both knew what they were doing and saying, and chose to utilise that instead of rising above such pettiness and ignorance.
I did some digging in my archive, and seeing as I never delete anything from here my first received ask was this one about the start of my interest in Columbine and my connection with the boys. =)
You’re very welcome! =) I usually reply pretty quickly when I’m online. Most of my received messages are answered in my mornings, so you had perfect timing!
Columbine 