Do you have days when you are like ”ugh columbine, i don’t care and you dont feel like reblogging or reading about them” and days when you feel your passion increases your desire of reblogging and reading and you feel you would like climb mount everest to find out everything?
It’s a never-ending rollercoaster. I have days where I focus on every itty bitty detail I can find, and days where I’m questioning my life choices. Thankfully the former outweigh the latter. 😉
On 20 April 1999, two boys at Columbine High School in Littleton (Colorado) killed one teacher, twelve students, and themselves. The event is still felt in the US as a national desecration in the vein of Pearl Harbor and 9/11. It lives on across the globe in fiction and non-fiction, and in new shootings.
When Tim Krabbé became interested in ‘Columbine’ back in 2007, he discovered that what he thought he knew (two bullied boys took revenge; they shot kids who’d said ‘yes’ to the question if they believed in God; they’d first gone bowling that morning) wasn’t correct – and that the reality was a lot weirder and scarier.
Krabbé read tens of thousands of pages concerning witness statements, reports, files, newspaper articles, and the school essays, websites and journals of the offenders, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold; intelligent boys from loving, highly educated families. He found details nobody had uncovered yet, and discovered there was not a single book on the event that analyses and speaks about the case in a detailed, precise, and open manner. He wrote that book. We Are But We Aren’t Psycho rightfully pretends to be the definite book on Columbine. Krabbé refutes the common conception that Eric was a psychopathic mastermind and Dylan his depressed, will-less follower. He shows that it was a philosophical crime where the relationship between the two was very different and much more interesting than it is always assumed.
Dan Lab is usually mentioned in the same breath as his buddy Brandon Larson. It’s still not clear to me why he actually punched/hit Eric in the face, and we wouldn’t even know about this incident if Eric hadn’t mentioned it in the notes exchange with Kristi Epling. Here is a short blurb on both Lab and Larson, and here is a more detailed post including the mention Eric made of it. (I have to laugh at the “it didn’t hurt at all”, because that just sounds like Eric wanting to be a tough boy in front of a girl he liked.)
Well, Evan didn’t immediately learn. I should hope he’s matured a little bit nowadays and is maybe able to see the contribution the school environment made to the massacre. One of my friends linked me to this little blurb on him back when I made that post yesterday, so one should hope that the role of motivational speaker matured Evan enough. (Although even that tidbit on him rubs me the wrong way, because it clearly showcases how little problems there were for the ‘accepted’ students in Columbine.)
One of the brilliant news articles vaguely relating to this question is the Washington Post’s Dissecting Columbine’s Cult of the Athlete, which you can still read over here. There’s also the case of Evan Todd, who was directly confronted with both boys (especially Dylan) on the day itself and still had this to say after: “Columbine is a clean, good place, except for those rejects. Sure we teased them. But what do you expect with kids who come to school with weird hairdos and horns on their hats? It’s not just jocks; the whole school’s disgusted with them. They’re a bunch of homos… . If you want to get rid of someone, usually you tease ‘em. So the whole school would call them homos.”
I think the whole ‘fags’-thing was just a commonly accepted term with which people in that school referred to anyone who was different. There was also an article/mention I can’t seem to locate right now of the guys in the TCM being ‘all over each other/touching each other’, which may have just been friends getting affectionate with friends as much as it may have been a direct provocation in response to the continuous ‘fag’-calls they got anyway.
I recall that Eric did comment back on some occasions where he was called names, but back when Dan Lab punched him in the face he didn’t get back at him physically. I don’t think either of the boys would’ve been strong enough to actually get into a fight and come out on top, especially not because they held such an outcast position in school and wouldn’t have the support base that their tormentors had. I think they knew that if they fought with the jocks or anyone else, authorities inside the school would shift all the blame for the situation back onto them and let the other party get away with murder. I think they knew they would only have worsened their lives inside that school if they had ever fought back in earnest. So, what do you do when you don’t have a safe outlet for the rage? You build it up inside you, let it eat away at you, and forge a plan that will allow you to get back at everyone without repercussions for you.
NBK was one of their favourite movies, yes. I’m not sure if it was the favourite, of course, but the fact that they named the massacre after it does show that its ideas and general vibe were something that they both clicked with. I’ve seen half of the movie myself now (and, okay, yes, will finish watching even though it’s not quite my cup of tea) and I can clearly see the attraction it had for both. I suspect Dylan clicked with the love story, of having someone special there with him to do these things with, and also clicked with the way that the character of Mickey, in particular, elevated himself above the rest of humanity. I suspect Eric clicked with the society-critical aspect of the film, but also with the idea that the two main characters go against the grain completely and essentially go back to their ‘natural instincts’ and do what they want even when it’s not acceptable in the eyes of society. His mention of “when I go NBK” means (to me, at least) that he spoke of that kick-back against society and returning to a more ‘natural’ state of being where instinct overruled morality completely.
I don’t believe Tarantino ever commented about the boys or the massacre the same obvious way people like Marilyn Manson did. However, I think that his films usually hold a very strong note that can be seen as commentary on both the massacre and society at large. Tarantino utilises (extreme) violence and strong visceral images to get quite a few points across, not in the least the point that we as humans are as attracted to violence/death as we are repulsed by it. He explores human nature, or an aspect of it, and is unapologetic in confronting us with his findings. And while he has never spoken about Columbine, he has spoken about the far more recent massacre in Newtown. I will leave you with his quote, here:
“I’m really annoyed. I think it’s disrespectful. I think it’s disrespectful to their memory, the memory of the people who died, to talk about movies … Obviously, the issue is gun control and mental health.”
The way it’s always read to me was that the commons were pretty chaotic during breaktime with bags being strewn everywhere and a lot of noise going around in general. You know what it’s like, you have your group of friends who’re all trying to tell you a different thing and you’re trying to focus on your food at the same time and it sometimes takes you ages to notice anything else that goes on around you.. Eric and Dylan were counting on the commons to be so busy around the time they placed the duffel bags that nobody would really notice or think much of it because everyone had other things going on to focus on. They’d walked around school in quite similar get-ups prior to the day itself, so I think people who did see them just shrugged to themselves and thought nothing of it at the time.
A few people asked me long time ago to analyse Eric and Dylan writing so I decided to make a post about it. I will use their writings from their journals.
Eric’s writing.
Eric seemed to have two type of writings. One when he probably wrote in hurry(like he was doodling) and another more organized and clear.
First type of writing.
The another one
His writing’s inclination
Eric seemed to write slanted to the right and sometimes ”more straight.”
His right inclination reveals a person full of ideas with the need of communication and vocalizes them. A intrusive, manipulative, cordial person. A person who liked to have control over what was happening and even over the dear ones, someone who also liked to motivate and encouraging others.
His straight inclination indicates most often a high level of independence or self-control. Meanwhile, a person who writes straight tends to be rigid and methodical.
Ascending or descending writing
Eric writing seemed to be slightly descending rather than ascending, even though he often wrote on the same line.
His descending writing indicates that he was influenced by pessimism and depression.
Front size
Eric’s writing seemed to have a normal size with a tendency of writing bigger than smaller. This could reveal mood swings. His front zise also indicates a conceited person who did not approve insults and got upset easily.
Font size
Eric’s writing seemed rather ”pressed” than superficial.
This writing shows loyality, dedication and a serious approach to the world. A person who tends to act before think, an irritable, inhibited person with temper, anxious and tense person. A person who always put existential problems and tend to bring opposition.
L, T, H letters
The way Eric wrote the ”h” letter had the same size as ”d” which indicates a perseverent person in his actions. He had irealistic desires, a vivid imagination and he would have been capable of doing everything to achieve his goals.
The line of Eric’s ”t” letter was so high that seems to exceed the vertical line.This shows delusional ideas, a very idealistic person, highly selective, high standards.
J, G, F, Y, P letters.
Eric wrote the ”p” letter with a straight line which shows he was an impatient person, hurried, agitated.
His ”y” and ”g” tend to look alike having a rounded loop like they were not written completely. Eric wanted to started 1000 things at once and procrastinated till the last minute and still did not finish everything on time.
Eric seemed to write very fast and roundy, which shows he did not believe in criticism at all and did not take it easily.
Drawings in his writing
Using drawings in writing shows a very expressive person, artistic and childish who wants to draw attention to himself. Eric wrote a character who pulled the tongue and made big eyes along with ”NEENER NEENER booga booga”(A childish taunt or jeer pronounced with a nasal sneer)
Eric also drew some Nazi signs and an American flag.
Conclusions:
Considering his writing, Eric was very sensitive to his enviornment, he felt atmospheres and he had an anxious nature. His tendency to make his writing looking like a doodle reveals intense emotions, destructives, even violent. His right slant shows how much he enjoyed exchanging ideas and he was very curious towards everything.
I think it’d actually be smart to shut up about the basement tapes for a long time and make JeffCo think we’ve forgotten all about them so they get a surprise release or something. Petitions and endless debates about them will probably just reinforce the argument that they shouldn’t be shown to the public.
And the minute JeffCo would release them thinking nobody was interested anymore, I’d be all up in their faces like..
I believe if Eric and Dylan had been teachers, the kids would have drunk and smoked that their heads will have started jumping(in class).
Probably they would not have had patience at all with slow/rude kids, gotten angry and started giving low grades. Otherwise, I think they would have gotten along with kids and their classes would not have been boring.
I don’t really see them as teachers, though.
But consider for a second, Eric could come out with gems like “alright you pathetic fools listen up” and “step back and look at yourself fuckers” on an everyday basis. Imagine what would fly out of his mouth in response to stupid questions, lol. He’d be the worst teacher in the world – and yet also one of the best, because he’d get confrontational with you and make you think and consider something from a different angle.
Dylan, man, can we just get him to teach something metaphysical? I think he’d be too scattered and out-of-the-box to comprehend most of the time – he’d be one of those genius professors with fucking hard classes who’d always expect the best from you.
I wanted a name that would be tied in with the name I use on my primary blog (crunchydragon), so that explains the ‘dragon’ portion of the name quite well. The ‘rampant’ part initially connects with a motive they use in heraldry quite a lot, and it’s interesting to note that dragons in heraldry are typically described as ‘valiant defenders of treasure’. Of course, the word ‘rampant’ also connects with the word ‘rampage’ in meaning.. thus leading to the tie with the Columbine case.
As to why I use it, personally.. I get a little ‘mama dragon’ over the case and the boys from time to time. Nothing pains me more than seeing something depicted as truth while there are a number of other interpretations to consider, and anyone coming at the case from a place of disrespect and close-mindedness will feel my hot breath on their neck. *laughs*
Sometimes, you pick up a book at a bookfair and suddenly spot the boys on the back cover.. It’s a little iffy on the details but this excerpt’s quite good, right? :3
Ya know, I really want to see Dylan building a house out of candy. Important stuff that. 😉
Haha, it’s one of those scenes that just get my attention every time.. I think it’s one of the funnier moments in the transcripts, where you can clearly see how young they both still were.
Reading the Doom-novels is so illuminating. I see about a million references to stuff and ideals Eric mentioned in the first bit of them alone, and it’s really no wonder he appreciated it as much as he did. Recommended read, I think? =)
The only Columbine author I have a problem with is Dave Cullen, and I am not the only one with this opinion. His ignorance of the case in the face of all the research he claims to have done is astounding. I do feel more informed than Davey-boy, as are all of the other Columbine blogs on here, but you won’t hear me say a derogatory word about the other authors.
Kindergarten level crap, really? That is the best you can come up with?
Well, I’m glad you love us. But let me break something down for you while we’re at it, okay?
I currently have a 36-hour workweek going on. I know most of the other Columbiners have jobs and/or a regular schoolweek to spend a lot of intensive work and time on. All we do, we do in the little spare time we have. Most of us do not have THAT much free time as you say we do. (I think this is a very big compliment, though, because it means we are doing a fantastic job with the little time we have. Thank you.)
Armchair psych? You confronted the wrong blog about that one. I have studied child development and mental illness for years. I have worked with gifted, troubled children and teenagers for quite some time. Even here, I reach out regularly to people I feel could use a listening ear or helping hand. I have been a part of the safety net that ensures that there will not be another Eric or Dylan slipping through the cracks of the system for the longest time now. I know my stuff, okay. (And I don’t even own an armchair. ;))
When the so-called ‘armchair psych’ does a better job of providing a well-rounded, intelligent, logical, and fantastically researched view of what may have created Columbine.. you’ve got to wonder what exactly the officials and some so-called authors have been doing. I believe that the views provided by the people from the Columbine tag and other places steeped in the research surrounding the case are invaluable to understanding Columbine. Who better to recognise the intricacies of the case than current-day teenagers, young people remembering their own struggles and the time the boys grew up in, parents, people whose line of work is with kids/teens, and open-minded folk whose approach to the case is informed by years of life experience? If you want to know the why of Columbine, we provide far better opinions and deductions of the little factual information we’ve been given than what the media and law enforcement have been spoon-feeding you ever since that day in April fifteen years ago.
Okay, what are we missing right now evidence-wise? This is the list of things I know we don’t have.. and I’m pretty sure there’s more we are not even aware of yet. (Feel free to add to it, really..)
Basement tapes. I think that’s almost a unanimous number one on the list of shit we’re missing out on and want to have most of all. The copycat arguments make steam come out of my ears, they really do, because of two reasons: there have been plenty of other shootings inspired by Columbine that cited the boys as heroes/martyrs/whatever the fuck else, and we have the transcripts of said tapes widely available already. Unless there are scenes we are missing (and gods help me if that is so), there really is no reason to prevent the world from seeing those tapes. What’s the worst thing we’re gonna see? Eric almost getting shot? Dylan building a house out of candy? Endless rants on how they hate the world and how much shit they kept from everyone in the months leading up to the event? A humanised version of ‘the monstrous killers’, maybe?
Court depositions from the parents. These have a 2027 release date, thankfully, but fact remains that we are missing out on these. Not much is said to be inside them, but they may be a window into the family lives of both Eric and Dylan that we currently cannot access.
Files from Eric’s therapist. Their release was prevented by both the therapist and Eric’s parents, if my memory serves me correctly, which is understandable but somehow worrisome as well. I would personally very much like to see these. Not just to get a clear view on the diagnosis that eventually led to Eric being put on medication, but also to get a better idea of how the therapy was constructed and how honest Eric was during the entire ordeal. It would be very helpful to see what was going on one year prior to the massacre.
Dylan’s harddrive. Supposedly, the files on this one were never recovered. You have to wonder how hard they’ve tried, though, especially since it’s been 15 years now and they might very well be able to recover some of it with the knowledge we have now. It’s up in the air what’s on the drive and opinions on it vary from pornography to elaborate plans for NBK or more documentation providing an overview of what was going on with Dylan.
Photographs of the evidence taken from the homes. Self-explanatory, isn’t it? We’ve seen evidence from the school, but never anything from what was recovered from their bedrooms. We have description lists of what was taken, of course, but it’d be neat to be able to combine that with photographs.
Eric’s “Nixon”-tape. Eric recorded this nine hours prior to the massacre and then left it on the kitchen counter at his home. We don’t have a transcript of it outside of the “people will die because of me/it’ll be a day that’ll be remembered forever”-quote out there. Makes you wonder what’s on it, doesn’t it?
The full 911-call. It is understandable that this was never released to the public, of course. It is not clear to me how much we are missing from not getting to hear this, especially since we do have available transcripts from the call. It would, however, provide a clearer image of what transpired when and what was said exactly and so on and so forth.
Columbine 